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July 11, 2015 |  1459 Views
What Men Want vs. What Women Think They Want
By GIrl X

The Internet is flooded with articles offering advice on sex and dating. But what I find most puzzling is how contradictory the male to female perspective is. For example, there’s “Why Men Love Bitches” vs. “The Power of Vulnerability,” “The Playbook vs. “Play or be Played,” “The Power of the Pussy” vs. “The Pickup Artist” and so on. According to these sources we must con, seduce, outsmart, outplay or outperform the opposite sex in order to prove how great we are. Which begs the question:  In this digital age, how can men and women find authentic love with so much such conflicting information clouding our judgment?   

Recently, I came across a provocative post that illustrates what men want versus what women think they want. It was created by the blog author of The Rules Revisited (basically the male antidote to The Rules). He attempts to dispel a few myths about what men find attractive in women. While of course all men have different tastes and projection is inevitable, the author’s take intrigued me. 







What’s interesting to me is that two opposing traits seem obvious when comparing both columns. There was a clear feminine undertone to the left column (what men find attractive) and a strong masculine undertone to the right (what women think men find attractive). As a matter of fact, I’d say a solid 95% of the characteristics on the right column are qualities I’m attracted to in a man: confidence, height, independence, knowing how to cook, taking control in the bedroom, being funny and basically everything else.


What the chart illustrated was so simple it was genius. If we just reverted back to our natural feminine and masculine instincts, we would naturally be drawn to each other.    


This strikes a chord because I recently ended a relationship out of sheer attraction exhaustion. I was sassy, unavailable, well-dressed and waved my freak flag in bed in the hopes of keeping him interested. I applied all the stealth dating advice offered by men, women and even gay men. But what I failed to recognize was that no amount of game playing or attraction technique could hook a man that was simply not interested in a serious relationship. 5 months down the road, he cheated on me with a curvaceous femme fatale unemployed “artist” with zero fashion sense and willingness to travel to his apartment from Paris on another man’s dime.      


In retrospect, had I focused on what I needed from a good man rather than how I could make myself more attractive to the elusive player, I would have saved myself 5 months and ultimately, a bruised heart.


But what I’ve learned is, there’s no game that trumps being true to yourself--being vulnerable enough to reveal your true essence, honest enough to communicate your needs, and strong enough to walk away if they’re not being met. Game over.   





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