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July 11, 2015 |  305 Views
The Art of Waiting
By GIrl X
It’s 2:38 AM. Me and X are back at my place after an optimistic 4th date. Through the course of the evening, casual drinks have turned into dinner which has turned into innocently making out which has turned into frolicking half-naked in my bed. Somewhere along the line, the buzz of my two martinis wore off and my internal alarm is growing increasingly louder, begging me to slap it into submission. As sobriety dawns that little voice inside my head chimes in: This is fun but I can’t sleep with this guy. I actually really like him. He actually has potential. Abort the mission immediately!  
 
 
 
 
“I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I have an early meeting tomorrow.”
X pauses to face me, smiling in disbelief as if I were telling him a bad joke.  
“You’re seriously kicking me out?”
“Look, I had an amazing time with you tonight, but I have to get up early.”    
“Seriously?”
“Seriously.”
X stares at me a few seconds too long, testing me, and he’s looking gorgeous. But I say nothing. He keeps staring, as if I’m going to change my mind, but we’re in a standoff. Eventually he caves and reluctantly gathers his stuff to leave. Wrapped in my duvet I walk him to the door and offer a languid kiss goodbye.    
 
Now, some may read this and think I’m a total bitch for kicking X out at 2:38AM. Some may think I’m a tease. Some may think I’m a player. But the reality is, I actually really like X and I’m looking to further the relationship, but he hasn’t brought up commitment just yet. And the first rule of dating like a badass is: No commitment, no sex.   
 
The first time I kicked a 4th date + suitor out of my bed without sex I felt a tinge of remorse. I worried he would be so frustrated with me he would never call again. Ironically the exact opposite happened. The next morning I got a text from him saying how much fun he had the night before. Strange but true. And it’s not because he was a doormat, this has happened with every single man I cut it short with. Let it be known I’m not taking any credit here for being extra irresistible; I look at this phenomenon as a universal, biological drive in men that has nothing to do with me all. It’s about the wiring of the male brain--it’s the thrill of the chase.            
On the contrary, if X didn’t have a shot in hell with me and I was just feeling frisky, I could have easily slept with him, made him espresso in the morning and sent him on his merry way. No expectation, no consequence. But that’s only if I REALLY never planned on seeing him again. I consider it kiss of death sex. I simply did not care what he thought of me or if I ever saw him again. In my mind, it was simply a fun night between consenting adults.
*Disclaimer: I’m by no means condoning this type of behavior but I won’t deny it’s happened.
 
But when seeking a long term partner I’ve learned abstaining from sex before a commitment is crucial for one simple reason: You need time to determine if he’s long term relationship material. In essence, is he worth it?
 
Getting sexually involved without a commitment sets a woman up to lose. I know this because I have learned the hard way. Here’s what happens...
  
1. It sets a no-strings precedent.
No matter how intimate you’ve become, even if you’ve met his parents and helped fold his laundry and picked out a couch together, unless you’ve had the exclusivity talk, you’re passively agreeing to no-strings sex.  
 
2. It opens you up to heartache.
What happens when you’re three months in and assume you’re exclusive only to find another woman’s panties under his bed? It f*ing hurts. Especially when you confront him and you’re so emotionally vested you actually fool yourself into believing his far-fetched BS is true. Sadly, I’ve been there.
 
3. It wastes your valuable time.
Even if he’s the spitting image of Ryan Gosling with the bedroom skills of Christian Gray, a superficial relationship will only satisfy a woman for so long. Eventually we crave more; it’s just how we’re wired. After a certain amount of time we’ll get fed up and leave the relationship out of frustration. At most we’ll have broadened our sexual horizons, at worst we’ve lost opportunities to meet serious men with more to offer.   
 
Think having the talk will scare him off? Who cares? If he peaces-out because of your high standards then he wasn’t worth a damn to begin with. Is a fleeting thrill worth your dignity? Move on and don’t look back. Onward, smart girl, in the immortal words of Badass Maya Angelou: “You get what are willing to put up with.”
Keep the bar high. 

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